


Can You Keep A Secret?

by Peter164



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 1940s, Chronic Illness, Ducks, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mild Fetishism, POV First Person, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-21 05:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peter164/pseuds/Peter164
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has always liked Steve, maybe a little more than liked. Sadly, they can never be happy together, seeing as most homosexuals were put in prison. Steve isn't making it an easier, always showing up at his apartment, begging for somewhere warm to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coney Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck forced Steve to go to Coney Island with him.

This sick little kid was torturing me. He was so tiny and fragile, with all his problems. He could barely see, and was colorblind. And I'm pretty sure he was deaf in his left ear, that ear that he wanted to kiss and lick and nibble, just to see Steve's face. Right now, his blonde head was asleep under my chin. He had shown up again tonight, and pleaded for somewhere to sleep where he wouldn't freeze to death. Just as always, I refused to put him on the couch and made him share my bed, I know I'm a human furnace. 

I'm not exactly sure when I fell for that beautifully tragic boy, but I fell hard. I just knew that one day I became aware of the fact I had memorized the shape of his lips from wanting them on mine so badly.

Sadly, I can never have what I so desperately craved. It was wrong and horribly disgusting and I can't do anything to change that. I had fooled around with a few other guys, but nothing was as wonderful as having Steve curled against my chest and wrapping my arms around him. I hope the future isn't so discriminating, maybe I can't experience it, but everyone in the future could. With that thought, I fell asleep. 

~*~

I'm not sure if it was Steve's sudden jerk upright, or the violent coughing that woke me up first. I know what woke Steve up though, an asthma attack, again. There wasn't much we could do other than try to get him to breathe and hope for the best. Inhalers didn't work well, but he had one and I scrambled to find it. I put it in his mouth as fast as he could without hurting him. I had no idea what to do with it so I took Steve's hands and brought them up to his face. He managed to breathe in the medication and by some miracle, it stopped the coughing. 

I could feel his arms relax as he tried to breathe deeply. I felt a wave of relief rush over me. 

"You okay?" I asked him. My hands were just now leaving his cheeks to rest on his shoulders. 

"Am I ever?" He joked, still out of breath.

"You know what I mean. You aren't about to die?" I hated when he joked about his health. 

"No." He shook his head, making his blonde hair shake. "I hate being sick."

"No one blames you. How's your back?" I had to make sure he would he okay to sleep again. 

"Better than usual. Just pain in my shoulder. And my chest hurts." He told me. He knew I would ask about his chest, he had so much trouble with his heart and lungs."

"Think you can sleep again?" I had to resist sliding my hands up just a little, to hold his neck. He nodded and we laid down. He snuggled into my chest. 

~*~

He always woke up first. This morning was no exception. He was in the kitchen, with a mug of tea and a cup of coffee for me. He knew me so well. It made my stomach do flips like an excited puppy. He had set his mug down and was trying to reach the bread I kept in the cupboard. He had stopped trying to jump and reach it and decided to climb on the counter. Just before he could, I walked over and handed him the loaf of bread. Steve thanked me, blushing just the tiniest bit. It was so perfect looking. The pink dusting on his cheeks and nose that brought that bit of color to his pale skin. 

"Why don't you just ask me to get up somethung before you start climbing on my furniture." I smiled at him. He took the bread and our fingers brushed together for a fraction of a second. I just about died. 

"That would be admitting defeat." Steve said. We ate in a silence that was anything from awkward. I thought we needed to do something today. 

"Let's go to Coney Island today." I suggested. He looked shocked that I would suggest something like that. 

"Why?"

"Because we can. There isn't anything stopping us is there?" He looked like he was going to say something, "Before you talk about not having enough money, I can pay for both of us."

"No. I can't let you do that. I owe you too much already, it's ridiculous." He hated being so dependent and I very well know that, but do you think I care? 

"Well when they make a magic potion that makes all disease disappear and you can get into the army, why don't you save my ass and we'll call it even?" We both wanted to fight. We both knew he couldn't. I loved him anyway. "Now stop your whining and let's go."

~*~

"Come on Steve, please?" I begged him. "It'll be fun!" 

"I don't know if I should. It seems like a bad idea." He looked up at the roller-coaster nervously. I refused to leave until he rode on something nerve racking. 

"If you hate it, then I give you permission to get me back." I raised my right hand and swore to it. 

"Fine. I will hate it though." The corners of his mouth turned up just slightly. 

We got off the Cyclone and he immediately ran for a garbage can and threw up. I'll admit I felt kind of bad. I went and bought him some water and crackers and we sat at a picnic table together while he ate. 

"I think that counts as hating it." He told me as he sipped his water. I couldn't help but giggle at him. "I like when your eyes crinkle when you smile."

That caught me off guard, I had to surpress a blush, "What makes you say that?"

"I don't know. I just like it." He shrugged. "It's kind of cute actually."

"Did you just call me cute?" I asked him. 

"Maybe." He laughed.


	2. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's moving kind of fast. I'm not a patient person.

It was Steve's 21st birthday and he was at my house celebrating. I was attempting to teach him how to dance. It turned less into a lesson and more into messing around with each other. We were still touching hands, so my heart was exploding. It was something about the forbidden that turned something mildly pleasurable into something better than anything I've ever experienced. 

I brought out two cupcakes, one for each of us. I put two candles in his cupcake and lit them. I figured it would be easier on his lungs. One candle for every ten years. He blew them out and took a bite.

~*~

We were in my bedroom, playing a game. More just asking questions, but it felt like a game. 

"Have you ever thought about getting with a guy?" Steve asked. He was getting daring lately. 

"Lot more than thought about it." I was always honest with my Steve. 

"You're kidding." He smiled, I shook my head. "Oh my god. No, you haven't."

"Tell that to Stanley Davidson, Joe Xavier, and George Smith." I took a sip of water from my cup. Steve's liver couldn't handle alcohol so we drank water when we were together. 

"I think I know Joe. Isn't his brother a neuroscientist?" Steve seemed shocked that I had done anything with guys before, and he had a right mind to think so. 

"Yeah, I think so. I think he also has a three year old nephew. Charlie maybe." I tried remembering the conversation we had last year while I was tipsy, that's extremely difficult. "You ever thought about getting with a guy Steve?" 

"Maybe just a little." He brushed the hair out of his eyes. 

"Why are you still shy about it?" I sat back on my hands, "Not like I'm alien to the concept." He shrugged. 

"I am." He looked down at his lap. Maybe I imagined it, but I thought I saw his eyes flicker up to my lips. I don't know if I want to have just imagined it or not. 

"Well then, don't worry about it. I'm open to questions if you're ready to ask them." I wanted to help him, I really did. But at the same time, I wanted to see how far I could push before our friendship would be over. 

"Would they be okay now?" He asked, scooting just a little bit closer. I nodded at him, "Can you tell if you're just curious or you actually want to try something?" 

"That's a hard question to answer. I guess I would say if you found other men attractive or not, but I think everyone can think a guy is attractive and you may just be close to them do you mistake platonic for romantic." I tried explaining the best I could, "In my opinion, the only surefire way to tell would be to try something and see what happens."

"Who do I do something with then?" Steve asked, he sounded like a high schooler again. It was the cutest thing ever. 

"Whoever you want. We could even go out and you could test people." That was the option I was hoping for the least. 

"What if I don't want a random stranger?" He seemed even closer to me now, he was getting my hopes up. "What if I want a friend?"

"Dont have many options then do you?" I didn't mean it as an insult, just seeing his reply. He shook his head, I tried not to be so happy, but I was failing. His hand was almost on my knee. "Is Steve Rogers flirting? With me?" 

"Maybe." He smiled and bit his lip, we were talking in whispers. He was inching towards me, I was doing the same, subconsciously. "Do you wanna try something together?"

"Yes." There were just a few inches between us. I could barely stand it. I put my hands on his chest. I could feel his frail, fast, and uneven heartbeat thudding along. I could feel his shallow breaths, inflating his lungs. Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree was playing softly in the background. We inched closer to each other. I could smell him, cinnamon and holly and Christmas trees. Perfect. I moved my hands to the back of his neck, I felt him swallow. He was at least as nervous as I was. I felt his stick thin arms, his wrists. He was like a porcelain doll, breakable, delicate, almost impossible to touch, and utterly beautiful. I could feel the bones in his hands, the tendons were visible through his skin. 

He allowed me to put a hand on his cheek. He leaned into it. I couldn't believe it, I was actually touching Steve's hands, his face, arms, neck, chest. I could feel him, I could feel everything the doctors told me to be careful of. His heart, his lungs, his spine. The scars were still there from rheumatic fever that he had when we were still in school. I was losing my sense of self, it was surreal. Even if he wouldn't let me go beyond a peck on the lips, it would be the best moment of my life. We were both enjoying each other's touches. 

I was in love with the feeling of his skin. Apparently he was too, because he pulled away just enough to take off his jacket. He reached out and touched my arms, tentatively. The upbeat tune of the music was so out of place that it fit right in. I would never forget this song for as long as I lived. I started leaning forward slowly. Steve didn't know what to do, so he stayed put, although he did move forward just a bit. I could feel our lips getting closer. I closed my eyes, I was going on pure feeling. My breath was shakey and nervous sounding. We were millimeters apart, almost there. I could almost taste him. 

Then someone decided to knock on the door. I mentally called them ever known curse word I knew. 

"I'll go get that." I whispered to him. He nodded. Some girl selling bonds for the army, I bought one and she left. I must remember to thank her for ruining the best moment of my life. That is assuming, I never got to touch his bare chest, or see his smile when I bought him flowers for Valentine's day, or held his hand as we walked through the park, or watched him draw, or kiss him from behind. 

"So, that was interesting." He was blushing up a storm, and it was adorable. 

"Good or bad interesting?" I asked him. 

"Very good." He smiled at me and I almost lost it. His hair was just a little bit messed up and his shirt was rumpled on one side. He was the loveliest thing I've ever seen.

~*~

We shared a bed, as always. In the morning he drew with the pencils and paper I bought for him. I looked over his shoulder to see his drawing. 

She had long hair and the biggest eyes I've ever seen. A small nose and mouth filled in the rest of her round, freckled face. She was smiling. Her lacey collar was squared out to show off her chest, but it looked cute, not provocative. The front of, what I assumed was her dress, was laced up with ribbon. Her sleeves puffed just the smallest amount around her shoulders before fitting tightly around her arms. She was beautiful, in a strange, little girl, kind of way. 

"Who is she?" I asked. I was curious about how she came to be. 

"I have no idea. I just saw her in my head, so I drew her." He told me. I quite liked how her collarbone showed just the smallest amount.

"She's pretty." 

"She is, isn't she." He smiled at me. I had to ruffle his hair. He laughed. He has the cutest laugh. He has the prettiest blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks like his mom. 

Why did he have to be a boy? It would've been easier if he was a girl. We could get married and maybe have a little baby together. I've always wanted to have a daughter. She would have his eyes and we could walk her to school every morning. She'd be so happy, having two big brave daddies. We would spoil her like a princess, maybe even get her a kitten. And Steve could draw her pictures and teach her how to play games. If only it were possible.


	3. Cash or Check?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First kiss.

Steve had been 21 for a week now and he seemed to be a bit more clingy to me. I didn't mind as much as I thought I would. Just don't confuse clingy with dependant. 

He was constantly at my apartment, and if he wasn't, he was getting beat up in some alleyway, parking lot, or behind some building, awaiting my rescue. Sometimes I think he likes getting punched just so I can find him and drag him away while he tells at them. He can't let up. If he wasn't so tiny and fragile, he would make an amazing soldier.

One of these days, I am going to need to take him out. I know a girl who's gay, maybe she could take out her girlfriend and I could take Steve and we could pull off a double date. The plan started forming in my mind. We could go our for dinner and we could sir across from our "dates" and maybe even convince them to come home with us. I have an extra bed they could stay together in. 

If I'm lucky, they'll wear high heels, and leave a pair. And maybe Steve might just find them and get curious. His legs would go on for miles I just know it. Imagine him walking around. That thought alone makes me blush with excitment. Now to pitch the double date idea to him. He was on the couch, reading a book. 

"So, Steve I was thinking." He didn't look up from his book. 

"Oh no. When you start thinking, you start to get ideas. And your ideas are never good ones." He didn't even make an expression.

"Gee thanks."

"Anytime."

"Anyway. Maybe we could go out together sometime." I shrugged. 

"We go out together all the time Buck." He turned a page of his book. 

"You know what I mean." I pushed his knee, which was in the air due to his feet propped up on the couch. "Like a date."

"I thought I was the stupid one." The tip of his tongue flicked out of the corner of his mouth. He looked a little bit sad. 

"Is going on a date with me really that bad?" I knew that wasn't the reason, but we loved to be horrible to each other. 

"Listen, Bucky." He set his book down. "You have no idea how much I want to go out with you. One of the few things you do know, is why we can't do that."

"But we can. We just have to be discreet about it. I have it figured out-" 

"If they even suspect something going on between us, we could be sent to a mad house. Neither of us could get into the military, if the stars align and the wind is in the right direction and they let us out, we'll immediately be put in prison." He listed off. I knew all of it was perfectly true, but do you really think I cared. I was taking my Captain on a date. I told him my plan. He rolled his eyes when I finished. 

"First you say it's a stupid idea, now you're rolling your eyes." I wanted to kiss the top of his head so bad. 

"You think that it will actually work? It's impossible."

"Has that ever stopped you from enrolling in the army?" How many times has he tried now? 

"I have more chance getting in, than going on a date with you without getting tortured to the brink of madness." He looked on the brink of tears. I had to move over and sit next to him to hold his face.

"You're such a pretty little angel cake."* I teased. 

"Don't call me Angel cake, dolly." He smiled.

"Cookie."

"Deamboat."

"Why thank you. Must say you're quite stacked yourself."

"Stop it."

"Make me."

"Jerk." He sat up and adjusted so I was seated between his legs on the floor. He put his hands around me neck. 

"Maybe I'm just doll crazy." I pushed myself up so that I could pull him over and twist us the other way around. Now his legs were on either side of my hips. 

"Must make me Khaki wacky." He managed to shift his weight and get up above me. My hands found their way to his hips. Our faces were inches apart. 

"Cash or check?" I couldn't help it. He leaned down to whisper in my ear. 

"Cash please." He pulled away just enough to let me move forward. Our lips touched just the smallest bit before Steve leaned in. It was at least as good as I thought it would be. If not, better. His lips were more chapped than I thought, and he was shaky, but oh my god. It was perfect. 

I ran my hands up and down his back, pulling him closer to me. I could feel his cold pair of hands on my face. As it went on, the more relaxed and confidant he got. Soon he was rubbing my chest and neck.

Oh my god, I could hardly stand it. I had to pull him closer. I've been waiting for much too long. The only sound was the rustle of hands on clothes and our mouths moving together. Occasionally the couch squeaked, but other than that, it was silent. He smelled like apples and records. The taste on his tongue was glorious, like he smelled. 

His skin was soft. I could feel the scars on his skin from all his fights he gets into. The only reason I stopped is because his asthma started acting up and he had to pull back and breathe. He took deep breaths, his arms were around my neck. I kissed his cheek. He looked like he was about to talk, but I shushed him before he could. He needed the oxygen. 

Again someone knocked on the door, interrupting our moment. I had to take Steve off of my lap to get the door, sadly. It was Jackson, an old friend. 

"Hey, I'm taking Sally dancing a few blocks down. We were wondering if you wanted to join. I'm sure there's a pretty dame down there for you." He smiled at me. I didn't want to dance tonight, at least not with anyone but Steve. 

"Sorry. I'd love to, but I can't. Rogers got in trouble again today." I wasn't lying, "Have to patch him up."

"Really? Again? You know, you need to leave the kid behind. He's hopeless." Jackson told me. He looked a little annoyed. 

"Maybe so. But I'm all he's got. And to be honest, I kinda like him." That last sentence was a dirty filthy lie. I was head over heels in love with him. 

"Whatever. You'll be missing out on a good time." He left. I snuggled back on the couch with my Prince charming. It took a bit of adjusting, but I ended up laying down with Steve's head on my shoulder. We read a few fairytales to each other before he fell asleep on me. Not long after, I was out too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Angel cake- Girl
> 
> Doll- Pretty girl
> 
> Cookie- Cute girl
> 
> Dreamboat- attractive person
> 
> Stacked- Beautiful female body 
> 
> Doll Crazy- Girl crazy
> 
> Khaki Wacky-Boy crazy
> 
> Cash or Check- Can we kiss? (Check as in raincheck) 
> 
> I love 1940s slang. It's so funny. Did you know they called bugs moterized freckles?


	4. Drafting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck gets drafted and Steve has a close call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's supposed to be May, but I really wanted to include this and it's August. Bucky leaves in a few months.

My bed was empty again in the morning. I should be used to it. I'm not. Steve is in the kitchen as usual. I can smell coffee, I think the radio is on. He likes the radio. I walk out to see him. Same as always, he sits at the table in the blue chair, a mug of tea in his hands. The radio host announces the war news. A pot of coffee is sitting on the counter. 

I sit on the red chair and bury my head in my boyfriend's shoulder. I'm still a bit tired, he kisses the top of my head. It's been a month now, and I think Steve loves it as much as I do.

"Am I hurting your back at all?" I ask him. His sclerosis makes his back and shoulders hurt sometimes. 

"No. Most of the time it's the other side. Besides, I like your head there." He told me. I could feel the bones protruding just the slightest bit. I loved my Steve. 

"What do you want to do today Captain?" I asked him. 

"I don't know. Can we stay home?" He rested his head on mine. 

"Sure. How're you doing?" I asked him every morning. If we had a though night I usually meant physically, is he sick, does he need a doctor, is anything acting up? If it was fine, little to no interruptions, then I meant mentally, will I need to force him out of the house, do I need to beat someone up, do I need to stay away from tall buildings and bridges? It has never gotten to that point, but who knows. 

"Still hard to breathe normally, still can't see, I still feel like vomiting half the time." He told me. "Other than all that, I can't complain, but it could be better."

"So Bucky isn't good enough anymore?" I couldn't help but smile. He's going to snap back with something ridiculously sarcastic. 

"Maybe if you beef up a little more. Bit scrawny aren't you?" 

"Like you're one to talk." I titled my head up and pecked his lips. It always made him smile, he's even prettier when he smiles. 

"You love it though." He told me. 

"Yes I do." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Why don't you draw something?"

"You always ask me to draw something." He rested his head on mine. 

"That's because I like watching you draw." 

"Maybe later today. Right now I just want to be with you." That made me smile. 

~*~

"Hey Captain. Guess what I got today." I couldn't wait to unveil my surprise for him. I was beaming, I knew that. 

"I don't know whether I want to know or not. Especially when you're making that face." He glanced at me suspiciously. Last time I was this excited was when I took him to see Wizard of Oz. 

"You'll love it I know you will." I could feel the envelope in my pocket. Thank God I had rich friends. 

"What is it?" He glanced down at my pocket, where my hand was. "If you say it's a ring then I will slap some sense into you."

"You could call it a diamond." I liked teasing him. 

"Just tell me." He groaned. I took the envelope out of my pocket and handed it to him. He tore it open and pulled out the two tickets inside. "Is this what I think it is?" I could see the excitment in his eyes. When he wasn't listening to the news, he was listening to the game. 

"Two tickets to the Yankees game this weekend." I grabbed his hands. He tackle-hugged me and peppered my face with kisses. I fell onto my back on the couch and started giggling. When he finally managed to calm down enough to sit up, he sat straddling me. His hands on my shoulders. 

"I don't know what to say?" He smiled at me. I loved his smile. 

"That I'm the best boyfriend and best friend ever and you don't know what you would do without me." I suggested, teasingly. 

"You are so full of it." He smiled, but still bent down to kiss my lips. 

"You still love me." I smiled back. We fell asleep together again. He was curled on top of me the whole night. 

~*~

The phone rang. Luckily Steve had rolled off during the night so I didn't have to push him. I had to walk in the kitchen to answer it. 

"Hello, this is the Brooklyn drafting service. May I speak to a James Barnes?" A female voice asked me. 

"Speaking." I told them. 

"You have been drafted to the United States Armed Forces." She told me. That woke me up. 

"Excuse me?" I couldn't leave Steve. 

"You have been assigned to the 107th unit."

"Im sorry, but I can't. I have my friend to take care of, he's sick and can't take care of himself. He doesn't have anyone else. Can't you sign someone else up?" I stuttered through sentences. As much as I wanted to fight, I couldn't. 

"I'm sorry, but you'll be saving a lot more lives this way. Training begins on the first of September." 

"No wait-" But she had already hung up the phone. 

"Bucky?" A sleepy Steve walked in. "What's wrong? You're never awake before me."

"It's nothing. Don't worry." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "You should be worrying about that game we have tomorrow."

"Okay. Do you want me to make you coffee like usual?" He asked me. I nodded, wanting to keep him as close as possible. 

"You make it better than I ever could." I smiled at him. He couldn't reach the shelf with the coffee and was trying to climb on the counter. I rolled my eyes and grabbed it for him, pecking his lips gently. He started working. While it was brewing I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his neck. I had come to learn where his sensitive spot was and proceeded to move there. His neck bent slightly to the side. 

He turned around and I lifted him onto the counter. He held my neck and kissed me again. I grabbed his hands and rubbed his fingers. I left his mouth and moved down his cheeks onto his ears. I licked the shell and nibbled slightly on his lobe. I heard him inhale sharply. He made even that small noise sound so sexy. 

"Bucky." He hummed into my ear, dropping my hands and hanging onto my neck. My name had never sounded so good before. I felt him bury his head into my neck. His hands moved up into my hair. I moved down his neck and found his special spot was, gently biting and licking it. The contact made him gasp and tighten his grip on my hair, pulling it. It almost hurt, but not enough to drown out the pleasure through my scalp. As soon as he realized what happened, he panicked and started to apologize furiously, stuttering over his sentences. I moved back onto his lips and kissed him, hard. 

"Shut up and do it again." I told him. He looked shocked but still pulled my hair and forced a tiny moan out of me. He took that as a sign to continue with our activities. He licked and bit at my Adam's apple. He moved to my collarbone and yanked my hair back again. I couldn't exactly blame him for abusing his power, I knew we very single sensitive spot on his body, each with varying effects.

My head felt foggy and I could feel myself moving to the buttons on his shirt. He very suddenly grabbed my wrists and started gasping and coughing. I was jerked out of my fantasy land and back to reality. Steve was doubling over and holding his throat. This wasn't an asthma attack, I didn't know what it was, but it was scaring me. There was nothing I could do but stand there and try to help him breathe again. 

"Come on Captain, in and out, in and out. You can do it." He looked like he was about to die. "I know you can do it."

Very slowly his coughing slowed and stopped, buy he was still inhaling harshly. Eventually, his eyes fluttered closed and he slouched over onto my shoulder. I picked him up and carried him to our bedroom. I checked his neck for a pulse. Uneven, and just barely there, normal for Steve. I kissed his cheek and left the room. How long would he be out for? Few minutes? Hours? Days? Maybe I could make him a pie for when he did. He loved apple pie. I checked our cupboards and realized we were out of cinnamon. 

I had to make a run to the store and so I left Steve a note, in case he woke up while I was gone. Maybe I'll buy him some of those daisies he likes.


	5. A World Entirely of Our Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a dream.

{Steve's POV} 

My head hurt and my mouth felt gummy. It was dark outside and the curtains were closed. I sat up and looked at the bedside table. A cup full of tea sat with a vase full of bright yellow daisies. A little note sat propped against the flowers. 

_Glad you're up, pretty dame. Meet me in the kitchen for pie._

Why wouldn't he make pie? He always bakes when he's nervous. At least he's good. 

~*~

{Bucky's POV} 

Steve walked out of the bedroom with his tea I made him. Immediately I ran up him and gave him the biggest hug I've ever given to anyone. 

"Hey buddy." He told me, his voice gravely. "You'll make me spill my tea."

"Sorry. You were out all day. I was starting to get worried." I pulled him closer to my chest. "Come on, I'll get you some pie."

I sat him down on the couch and went to get him a slice of the dessert. I came back to see his head in his hands. 

"You okay?" I sat down next to him. He nodded. 

"Just thinking about a dream I had." He smiled up at me. I handed him the plate and adjusted myself next to him, waiting for the story. "Well I think I was in the future."

"What makes you say that?" 

"For one thing, the cars looked really different for one thing. All smooth and slick looking. And everything was so big, the buildings were like mountains. I was there, but I was all big, and muscley, like huge. There was a girl there, with red hair, and a black man."

"Hold up, this can't be accurate. You? Huge? Like that'll ever happen." I chuckled. 

"That's not even the strangest part. So, this other guy shows up with long hair and a mask, and I think he had a metal arm. And it was mostly me and him fighting, but the other two helped too." His hands started shaking, and his he had to bite his lip. I laced my fingers through his to calm him down. 

"What happened? It must've been bad." I scoot a little closer to him. 

"Well mask man pulled a knife on me, and we fought more. I punched him and hit him until he went flying away, and his mask fell off." This is where he really started breaking down. "And he was you. But not at the same time. He didn't know who I was, or who Bucky was, but he was definitely you. There is not a doubt in my mind it was you. But he was all messed up, and wrong."

He sniffled a little. It obviously upset him, more than he could say with words. I knelt down in front of him and grabbed his cheeks, brushing the tears away from his eyes. 

"Steve." I tried to pull his face to look at me, "You're okay. I promise it won't ever happen. It was just a dream. You don't have to worry. I will always be there for you, I won't ever use a weapon in front of you, unless it's to protect you, and I will always always remember you." 

"But what if you forget? Just before I woke up, I was trying to make you remember, I was telling you we were friends, but it wasn't working. I was already covered in blood."

"Stop it Steve. You'll only make it worse." I didn't want to see him cry anymore. He tried to curl his knees up, but I was in the way. 

"The last thing I heard you say before I woke up, you told me I was your mission." He was balling now. I pulled him into another hug, this time he hugged back. He was making my shoulder wet, but that was the last thing on my mind. 

"Let's stop thinking about it. You're my boyfriend. And we're happy. Even on the small chance we live that long, by then we would be able to get married and be happy old people. We aren't going to be fighting each other. You'll still be my Captain and I'll be your Bucky." I smiled at him. He nodded weakly. "Think about it. Do you want to get married to someone someday? Or do you want this horrible future."

"I don't want either, unless I marry you. I want to live in a house together and hold hands while we watch our little girl play in the yard." He sniffeled."Maybe our dog will be outside with her licking her face. I hope she would look like you, because maybe then she wouldn't have all the fucking problems I have."

"Did Steve Rogers just swear while he was talking about our daughter?" I pulled him away from my chest. "An even bigger question. Did Steve just swear?" 

"Maybe." He smiled at me and bit his lip. 

"I think the biggest question here actually is, what are we going to name our beautiful daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes." I pecked his lips. 

"She's going to have black hair and blue eyes. And I want something pretty. Evelyn or Jaquline." He pulled up my face to his own. 

"What about flower names? Rose, Violet, Lily?" I moved up to the couch and sat down next to him. 

"Tulip, Dandelion, Snapdragon." He teased. I stuck my out at him, "What are you, like 6?"

"And a half." I pretended to sound hurt. He rolled his eyes and pulled my face in, kissing me again. He pulled me down with him, meaning I was laying on my side against the back of the couch and he needed a foot on the ground to stay balanced.

"We can discuss our baby girl's name later." He smiled. "I wonder if we'll even be able to see her for real, and if she'll be as beautiful as I hope she is."

"I can't see how she won't be, she has the prettiest little momma I've ever seen." I teased him.

"I hope you aren't calling me momma." He snapped back, still smiling. 

"What if I was? What would you do then?" 

"What about, no kisses for a week?" He grinned at me. 

"Who knew you could be this cruel." I kissed him one more time, "We should get to bed soon, eat some pie and drink your tea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like my little headcanon there? We might see more of it later, I don't know. I'm making this up as I go along.


	6. Take Me Out To the Ball Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for the game.

We packed a bag, we were spending the entire day in New York city. I could feel Steve's excitment just being in the same room as him. At 7 in the morning he was already trying to wake me up. 

"You do realize the game doesn't start for 4 and a half hours and it's a 20 minute drive?" I groaned and turned over onto my stomach. 

"You're the one who thinks I could sleep. Between spending yesterday unconscious and the game today, no way I could sleep." He almost yelled at me, I loved seeing him so happy. 

"Go make us some breakfast and then I'll get up." I was obviously not thinking straight. 

"I can't cook to save my live. I can make easy things, coffee, tea, toast, other than that, nothing." He reminded me. "And I already made your coffee."

"Damn, Steve. You're serious about this." I moved to lay on my back again. "Let me put a shirt on and I'll meet you in the kitchen. What do you want?" 

"Pancakes?" He tilted him head. 

"It's your day." I kissed his cheek and got out of bed. I put on whatever shirt was closest to me and went to make Steve some pancakes. 

~*~

He was a toddler when he got excited. He was bouncing in his chair and asked how much longer we had, about every 2 minutes. It was very distracting, especially when you're driving. This kid would never cease to amaze, at least he's really, really pretty, and smart, and talented, and dedicated, and his smile could light up a room, and-maybe there's a reason we invented the word perfect. 

"Come on Bucky, drive faster. We might miss it." He begged. 

"I can't drive faster. And we still have an hour left until it starts, calm down." I took one hand off the wheel and set it on his knee. "We have a book in the bag. Why don't you read aloud, I know you don't get carsick."

"How much longer?" He asked, probably to see if it was worth it to start a book. 

"15 minutes. We hit a bit of traffic a while back." I told him. He due around and opened to the first page. 

"Chapter one, An Unexpected Party. In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit." He read it sounded a lot better than his constant questions, and it was quite a good story. It sounded pleasant. It almost made me want to be a Hobbit. 

"We're here." I tapped his shoulder. 

"But the dwarves just showed up." He looked at me with his big blue eyes. 

"Don't you remember DiMaggio?" That was his favorite player. 

"How can you forget DiMaggio?" He immediately got out of the car. "Are you coming?" 

I had to roll my eyes at him before I got out of the car. 

~*~

We won the game. I didn't really pay attention, my captain was so beautiful that I got distracted. The only reason I knew we won, was because Steve was so excited about it. I don't even know by how much, but apparently it was amazing. Today wasn't a good day to tell him about the phone call I got yesterday morning. I'll tell him tomorrow. 

We were driving to a little Park outside the city. Tonight we were getting dinner together back in Brooklyn. He loved the ducks swimming around in the pond. I bought him a little bag of seeds. He sat on the ground and some of them came out of the water to see him. A little baby duckling nuzzled up against his leg and actually let him pick him up. 

"Hey Bucky, look! I'm Snow White!" He told me, I was sitting next to him. 

"If you're Snow White, who does that make me?" I watched his delicate little artist hands stroke the fuzzy little head. 

"I think that makes you Grumpy, or maybe Dopey." He smiled his adorable little half smile. 

"I'm only Dopey around you." I quickly looked around to check for people before resting my head on his shoulder. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

"You used to be. Now you're bashful." He told me. The mama duck came up to get her baby back. Steve set it down gently and mama nudged baby back to their nest. 

"And you're the fairest of them all. The Evil Queen is so envious of you that she keeps trying to stop your heart or stop you from breathing." I could feel him smile. "That's why the doctors have such a hard time helping you, it's her magic spells. Just remember not to take any apples from old ladies."

"I honestly don't know how you put up with me." He rested his head on mine. 

"There's nothing to put up with." I squeaked his hand and let go almost immediately, "I'm privileged to know you. You might be more fragile than other people, but that makes you more precious. Why do you thing people collect porcine dolls?" 

"That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me." I could feel my hair start to get wet. 

"Then my next sentence will blow your mind." I had never, in the years I had known him, or the month he had been my boyfriend, said this to him seriously. I had just opened my mouth when we heard voices and footsteps, I Jersey my head up and Steve wiped his face. My next sentence would have to wait. 

"You mentioned a dame you met last night." He improvised. 

"Yeah. She was a pretty little thing. Absolutely tiny, she had to have been made out of glass." I tried to keep a story going. "Little spitfire though. I'm sure she asks to get punched most of the time. Constantly playing Prince Charming and swooping in to save her before she accidentally kills herself."

"Sounds like a difficult person to like." He looked up at me, almost sad. He knew who I was talking about. 

"She's an angel. You look at her and you think she's the one you likes sitting by the fire with a book, and you'd be dead wrong." He needed to hear it, "But you know, she's so independent that it almost makes you want to turn her into the helpless princess she should be. She'd never let that happen though."

"You think she should be a princess?" He leaned back on his hands. 

"She can barely breathe half the time and don't even get me started on her heart issues. Practically blind, spinal problems, and a parent with diabetes." He looked up at me while I talked. "I'm pleasantly surprised she's still alive. Anyway enough about her, time to go eat, Captain."

I held out a hand to help him up, and we walked to the car. 

~*~

We had finished out the chapter and Steve closed the book. 

"Bucky?" He set the paperback down, "Did you really mean everything you said in the park?" 

"I wasn't talking about a pretty dame if that's what you mean." I tilted my head at him, still looking at the road. 

"No I know that. You were talking about me. Was it all true?" He curled his knees up to his chest. 

"You know how bad I am at lying." I managed to steal a quick glance at him. I took one hand off the wheel and grabbed his, planting a light kiss on his knuckles. 

"Thank you. For everything. Someday, I'll finally be able to give it back." He smiled. 

"I don't need repayment."

"But you deserve it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the duck part All These Things That I've Done came on and I almost started crying.


	7. Boot Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck heads off for training.

Like every morning, Steve sat in the blue chair and I sat in the red chair. It took another week to build up the courage to tell him I was leaving. I couldn't take care of him any more, I couldn't wake up and see him sitting at the old table with a cup of coffee waiting next to him, I couldn't give him kisses when he got upset, I couldn't carry him to the bed when he couldn't walk, no more, I would be gone. 

"Bucky, you look like something's bothering you." He turned his big blue eyes upward. 

"Something's been bothering me for a week now." I set my cup down. He shifted his position to look at me easier, "Last week, that day when I woke up before you-" 

"When I passed out?"

"Yeah, then, I got a phone call, and they told me that I was drafted for the United States military." I gripped his hand. 

"You're leaving." He sounded robotic. Like he didn't want to feel anything. 

"On September 1st I leave for boot camp, then I get my orders." I told him, trying to fight back tears, "They sent me an information packet. I leave at 5am and come back home at 9 at night. I get a free day before I'm deployed. I get Sundays late start for church."

"That's in two weeks." He looked up at me. 

"Don't worry, we get nights together. Until I get sent out at least." I tried to reassure him, and myself. "And I tried telling them I had this little punk to look after, but they wouldn't listen."

"You know I hate being called punk." He smiled sadly. 

"That why I do."

~*~

Steve never left me, the entire two weeks. We pushed things a lot farther than we had before. We started using tongues in kisses, we managed to get each other's shirts off and nearly our pants before some ass decided to knock on the door. 

I almost missed how it was, always so gentle and hesitant. He was so careful, compared to now, when he was daring and pushy. 

We never talked about my draft, ever. Like an unspoken agreement that it was off limits. The only time it was even mentioned was when they called or sent another informational letter. 

I don't remember much off the details, save for one in particular. I asked Steve to show me his pictures, and he almost got nervous. He flipped open his notebook and the first thing I saw was a drawing of me with my arm slung over his shoulder and kissing the top of his head, he looked very small and almost sad. He flipped the page and it was a picture of me pulling him away from a fight, his hand under his nose to try to stop the obvious bleeding. 

I was in every picture, shirtless, towel drying his hair, helping him while he was in sick, cleaning him up after a fight, snuggling in bed, teaching him to dance, lifting him up like a bride and kissing him, at the game. I was absolutely loving it, until I got to another drawing, of a man with long hair, his face hidden behind a scarf and a fluffy, furlined jacket falling off his shoulders, his exposed arm looked artificial, a star was painted on the shoulder. 

"Who this?" I asked, it was really depressing to look at. 

"Remember that dream I had?" He seemed upset, I nodded, "This is what you looked like, without the coat and scarf, and you had different pants, but that was it."

"Really?" I looked so sad, and lost, it was almost scary. What if he had some kind of power and this was how I ended up? What if my Stevie was like the little baby Charlie Xavier who predicted his neighbor's pregnancy a month before she found out, including the correct gender and birthday? Is my Captain like that? 

"Can we keep going, I don't like looking at it." He asked me, I gestured for him to move on. A pretty girl with a sideways smile that seemed dangerous. "That was the girl I was with," A thin black man with round eyes, "And the guy I was with." 

We moved on to drawings of me again, mixed with other things. A pair of metal wigs, ballerinas, some kind of design made of triangles, a more detailed version of 'my' arm, an almost demented looking pinocchio, a weird stick, and a weird block. It made me wonder how he thought of it. The latest picture was unfinished, just me petting a big dog. 

"Where do you come up with these?" I finally asked him. 

"Dreams mostly. That pinocchio one freaked me out a little. I get little flashes and draw them, I figure maybe I can look back and it might make some sense."

~*~

Two weeks passed much to quickly. It was September and I was awake at 4 in the morning. I quickly got dressed in the uniform I got through mail, and kissed the top of Steve's sleeping head. I wonder what crazy thing he would dream of to draw next.

When I came home, Steve was laying on the couch on his stomach and drawing. He looked up at me and smiled, I hugged him and winced at the pain in my shoulders. I quickly kissed him before collapsing on the other couch. 

"I'll go make you something hot to drink." Steve pecked my cheek and went into the kitchen. I was tired, really tired. He came back and handed me a mug of tea, I liked it at night. He sat at the other end of the couch, "I accidentally made you a cup of coffee this morning."

"Really?" I smiled weakly, "You don't drink coffee."

"I know. I'll probably be doing that for a while." He looked down at his fingers, always covered with pencil lead from shading his drawings. 

"What have you been drawing today?"

"Finishing the dog one and another thing." He was trying to make me comfortable, I could tell. He knew I was aching from the rigorous training. 

"Let me see?" I loved seeing him draw, he grabbed his notebook and flipped open the page, another picture of me, this time in a military uniform, smiling, "It's wonderful."

"Thats good." He hesitantly bent down to kiss me. I met him part way up. 

And so it was for several months. Slowly working, I wasn't sure every day any more, but I was always tired. When Sunday came around, I got that glorious sleep I so very needed. Every day I came home and Steve would make me tea and show me his drawings. Sometimes he managed to pump out there or four, others maybe half of one. 

The one day I broke the pattern was when I was called up by our trainer. 

"Barnes, you're being deployed to England on November 20th." He told me, I simply agreed, "You have a bus that'll pick you up at your home at 0900 exactly. Be ready to go."

"Yes sir." I tried to keep the lump in my throat down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture of sad Bucky I used is here - http://lalawooo.tumblr.com/post/103643292440/a-sketch-of-bucky-why-are-you-so-sad


	8. Surprise

Of course he was getting beat up in an alley. I rolled my eyes and punched one of the guys. Steve claimed he could handle it. I was finally going to take him out on a proper date, with girls present of course. I was excited. 

"So, you got your orders?" He asked, I hadn't told him. He would know when the time came.

"Shipping out to England first thing tomorrow morning." I nodded. 

"I should be going." He looked down. 

"My last night, come on, get cleaned up." I walked with him back to our apartment, holding his hand once we got inside the building and we made sure no one was around, "Steve." 

"What?" He was going to kill me with those beautiful eyes one of these days. 

"I'm really gonna miss you when I leave." I grabbed his other hand and rubbed his knuckles. 

"Me too." He pulled his hands away only to hug me tightly. 

"When it's finally okay, let's get married." I told him. It was not only illegal, but we could be put in a mental ward for it. "I can buy you something instead of a ring, we'll lay low and then we can go all out and have the best wedding we've ever dreamed of."

"Bucky, we've only dated for a few months." He pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"Dating is only to see if you fit with the other person. We know we fit, we know it'll work, we've even talked about it. And I can't do anything else to show you that I love you more than anything in the world." I gathered him up and just held him, I didn't want to let go. 

"What if you don't come home?"

"I will come home, even if it'll take forever, I promise I will come home." I couldn't stop the tears even if I wanted to, "Please say yes. Please give me something I can take with me. I want to make the other soldiers jealous that I have you waiting for me when I get home. Give me something to come home to."

"Okay." I felt him nod into my chest. "I'll marry you."

"Thank you." I ran my fingers through his hair. 

"But please don't spend all our money on a ring." He told me. 

"I won't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short I know. The next one will hopefully be longer.


	9. Failed Double Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's about to leave.

We were standing together, watching the show. I turned around and Steve wasn't there any more. I tapped on Clara's shoulder, she was my gay friend from England. 

"I'll be right back, my damn fiancé is gone." I whispered to her. She laughed and turned back to the stage. After wandering around for a while, I found him at the army station. "Steve! What the hell are you doing? What if you got hurt, what if you found some stairs and you fell down them?" 

"Bucky calm down. You're leaving in the morning. You need to have fun." He smiled at me. 

"Fine, I'll calm down. Anyway, we're taking the girls dancing later." I told him. 

"You go ahead, I'll catch up." He looked sad. 

"Okay. I'm looking in the jewelry shop for you by the way." I said, he smiled and blushed a little, "Don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"How can I you're taking all the stupid with you." He called as I walked away. Time to check the little booth for the fine jeweler's shop. The little old lady behind the counter smiled and said hello. 

"Looking for something special?" She asked me.

"Yeah, for a girl actually. The problem I'm having is that she likes simple things and she doesn't like it when I spend money on her." I explained. She smiled and pulled out a little box. Bunches of necklaces were inside. She picked one up. 

"This one is mostly steel dipped in silver. A lot cheaper than most of our other pieces." She explained. It was still beautiful. She gave me the price for the plain chain with three tiny little stars lined up. "We can also engrave it for you."

"That's amazing. Would it be possible to do S on one and B on the other?" I asked her and she nodded. "Would it take long?" 

"Not at all. We can have it done in a few minutes." She smiled. "Would you like to purchase it?" 

"Yes please." I grinned. 

"You know what, I'm a nice old woman who works for my son. We don't need the money and you're a Soldier. Let me talk to him and let me see if I can take some money off for you." She seemed to have a soft spot for him. 

"No. I'm willing to pay." I didn't know why she would take anything off of it.

"Nonsense." She smiled happily and called for someone deeper inside the tent. A middle age man came out with crutches. "Jim, this young man would like to buy our star necklace with an engraving, I was hoping we could cut the price."

"What's the occasion?" He smiled at me. 

"It's for Sarah," I used his mom's name, thank God they had the same initials, "We just got engaged and I was hoping I could get her something before I left tomorrow."

"That's sweet." He said, "You know what I'll do, I'll take off the extra engraving price and give you the soldier discount."

"Oh my god, thank you both so much. I appreciate it so much." I said to them. 

"Just remember the Parker family." She smiled at me. I paid for the necklace and thanked them again. Walking back to find Steve again. He was still in the army section, but he seemed happier. 

"Look what I just got." I pulled out the box they gave me and gave it to him. He opened it and gasped. 

"Wow, Bucky, I love it." He smiled up at me and looked even happier. 

"I love you." I kissed his forehead. "Let me put it on." I walked around behind him and clasped the chain around his neck before he to tucked it into his shirt.

"Thank you." He hugged me again. 

"Time to go dancing." I held his hand. I was going to spend the rest of my life with this kid and I couldn't wait. 

~*~

We were laying in bed together that night, talking. 

"Bucky, guess what happened while you were gone." He grinned while he thought about it. 

"What happened to my Captain?" I asked him. 

"A doctor came up and asked me if I wanted to kill Nazis. He kept asking me questions actually. Anyway, after a little bit, he got me in." He squealed. 

"You're in the army now?" I was excited for him. And nervous. 

"Yep!" He almost jumped, as much as he could in a bed. I pulled him up for a kiss. He grabbed my face and was suddenly straddling me. Steve was rubbing my chest. It was obvious he wanted to go further. 

"Hold on." I pushed him up enough to keep him off of me. "What are you doing?" 

"I want to feel you Bucky." He growled in my ear. "We're getting married and we're both leaving tomorrow."

"Do you even know what happens?" I asked him, definitely sex. He was talking about sex. He nodded, "And you're okay with having something up there?" 

"I'm fine with it. Can we please? If I have second thoughts I'll tell you. I promise." He kept trying to get his hands to my chest. 

"You're sure you're totally fine?" I asked him, keeping his hands immobile. He nodded violently. I flipped us over so he was underneath me. "Then tonight will be amazing."


	10. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck ships out.

"So, I'm leaving today." I sat with Steve at our kitchen table. He nodded, "And you have training."

"Yep." He fidled with the chain on his neck, "I'll miss you."

"I will too." I smiled at him and held his hand. I was in uniform, waiting for the bus. He started to tear up. I put a hand on his cheek and wiped his eyes, "Don't worry Steve, I'll come home and we can get married and have that live we always dreamed about."

"I love you, Bucky." He said so quietly it was almost a whisper. 

"I love you too, Captain." I pulled him into my chest. I hate waiting. Why did I have to be drafted? At 9:00 sharp, someone knocked on the door. I took one last sip of Steve's coffee and kissed his forehead before heading out. ~*~ Wasn't until I was on the plane that I couldn't choke back tears anymore. One of the men I was with leaned over to talk to me. 

"Someone special back home?" He asked me. 

"Yeah." I told him. He was black and had, a thick southern accent. 

"I had a fella, we was real close. Leavin' was hard." He told me, "Named Jackson. What about you?" 

"Steve. Couldn't take care of himself. He was sick a lot, and had to live with me the past few years. Lot of trouble cones with that stupid kid." I had to step lightly with my words, or so I thought. 

"He just a friend, or a real good friend?" He asked me. 

"Excuse me, I don't think I understand." I thought I might, but I had to make sure. 

"He the kind of friend you look out for and give up the couch when he stumblin' drunk? Or the kind of friend who you wake up next to in the mornin' and smile 'cuz you know it's how it's supposed to be?" He explained, "In not so many words, is he a friend, or more? And don't worry 'bout answering, Jackson's way more than my friend."

"More. I'm hoping we can get married someday." I smiled at the thought, "Oh, I'm Bucky by the way." I stuck out my hand.

"Gabe." He shook my hand, "What kind of a name is Bucky?"

"Well it's short for Buchanan, which is my middle name, and James is too formal." I explained. 

"Makes sense." He told me, "So tell me about Steve." 

So that's what I did.


	11. You Broke Your Promise

I was stuck. They wouldn't let me out, I was starting to go crazy, next thing I knew someone was busting me out.

"Bucky." The very large figure came in, it took a moment before I recognized the pretty blue eyes and blonde hair. 

"Oh my god." That was all I could say. 

"It's me Steve." He helped me up, "come on."

"What happened?" 

"I joined the army."

"Did it hurt?"

"A little."

"Is it permanent?"

"So far." We ran out. I was a little upset he was so big now, he couldn't fit under my chin anymore. We couldn't snuggle the same way together. 

~*~

"So this is the famous Steve Rogers." Gabe smiled when he saw the muscle man, "I thought you say he was a li'l guy."

"He is-was." I couldn't help but stare at him, "You must've grown a foot taller."

"I don't know, but let me tell you, you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen." Steve seemed amazed about my face, "Seeing, hearing, breathing, running, what else am I missing?" 

"You're huge!" I tried to make it into his brain. 

"And you're gorgeous." He smiled at me, wide-eyed. Gabe laughed. 

"He really does love you." My army friend smacked my shoulder, "And look at him. He doesn't look anything like his picture."

"No he doesn't."

~*~

Steve and I went out with some of the other friends I made for drinks, now that his liver could take it. We kissed a lot, it was a little weird being around people who didn't care after hiding for so long. 

"Je vous aime ensemble." One of them said. I didn't speak French but another one of them translated it basically into 'you're cute togetger'. 

"Hell yes we're cute together." I grinned at them, "And now I can put my head on his shoulder without worrying about hurting his back."

I was so excited when we were finally alone together, and I got to really see his new body. His skin was still beautiful and brand new. I couldn't wait to bruise that milky, pale, perfect skin and leave teeth marks. That's why I got excited when he pushed me onto the small bed and climbed on my lap. 

It was a lot gentler than the first time, and yet much stronger and harder. Fingernails dug into my back, and I had marks all over my chest. 

~*~

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island with me?" I stared down at the cliff. I hated high places, even if Steve didn't know that. 

"And I threw up?" He looked very upset about that, even still. 

"Is this pay back?" 

"Now why would I do that," He asked sarcastically. I could think of at least a dozen reasons why he would do that, but I kept my mouth shut and zip lined to the train. I followed him down the ladder and into the sliding door, when we got locked in two different cars. I panicked and then someone started shooting at me. 

What the hell dude, give me two seconds to figure out were the fuck I am on this stupid metal tube that is so high up in the air. I dove for a stack of boxes next to the smaller door keeping Steve and I apart. I kept shooting and shooting and shooting, until finally the little door opened and he chucked his shield at the other guy's face. 

Someone behind me shot a something at me, blowing a giant hole next to us. I grabbed the shield laying on the floor hoping that maybe some of that little kid from Brooklyn would rub off on me, and spun around. 

I got blasted out the hole, but luckily managed to grab onto one of the railings. Steve was outside almost immediately, trying to grab me. I lifted one hand up, but couldn't hold my weight without it. The pieces of metal holding the railing were already damaged, but they were starting to break while I held on. 

I prayed that Steve could get to me before they broke and I fell to my doom, I moved closer, hoping that I could reach his hand, but in turn it made the railing snapped clean off. 

Everything happened too fast to process, and yet in slow motion. His precious blue eyes got farther away and I couldn't figure out why until I realised I wasn't connect to the train anymore. My heart was working overtime, my lungs were dublin in size with every breathe, my muscles tensed up and I was falling. My arm hit something, I don't know what, but it was painful. My vision was going blurry, and dark. I was so happy I was unconscious when I hit the snow.


	12. Epilouge

Do not think. Just kill him. Kill him and anyone who tries to save him. His shield is in my arm. It's good I can't feel it anymore. I lost both my guns. I have a knife. He's good at fighting. I am better. I grab his throat. He gets away. Punch. Stab. Roll. Kill. He grabs my mask. He flips me. My mask falls off. He looks confused. 

"Bucky?" He's breathing hard. 

"Who the hell is Bucky?" I turn my body to him. The bird-man flies in and kicks my head. The girl with red hair blows up a car. I can get away. HYDRA has them. Goodbye pretty man with blue eyes. 

~*~

We are fighting again. This time we are on a plane. He is familiar, I think. He takes off his helmet. 

"I'm not going to fight you, you're my friend." He dropped his shield. He was bleeding. I should have liked that. It meant I was succeeding. I didn't like it. I takled him. 

"You're my mission." I wasn't telling him. I was telling me. I didn't want to know him, but I did. I didn't want to love the way his eyes looked, but I did. I tried to punch him. Maybe if he was gone then I wouldn't be so confused. 

"Then finish it." His face was swollen and bloody. I didn't like that. "Because I'm with you 'till the end of the line."

I held back my arm. I remembered that. I remembered his face. I remembered helping him because he was hurt. I remembered what he looked like when he smiled. I remembered a picture he made. His name is Steve. 

Before I could do anything. He was falling. He landed in the water. I had to help Steve. I jumped. I could swim. I grabbed onto one of the straps on his uniform and dragged him out. I ran. I don't like remembering. I wanted to remember more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably make a sequal of Bucky's recovery so this will not be the end of Stucky forever.
> 
> UPDATE: I have published the sequal. It's called No More Secrets and it's in a new series along with this one if that helps make it easier to find. Go check it out.


End file.
